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Post by SA Hunter on Mar 29, 2020 18:00:23 GMT 10
Search "Where's Waldo: Social Distancing Edition" ROFL. Hahaha - Gold!!
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 29, 2020 22:47:16 GMT 10
Via sboards.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" ---
Even though jokes about race are ok, people still seem to get offended, so I will tell a joke, but I will use vulcans, from Star Trek, because they are not real and so no one should be offended by what they do in the joke, ok? so...
These two black vulcans are walking down the street....... ---
Did you know my grandpa died in the holocaust? He got drunk and fell off a guard tower.
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Mar 30, 2020 3:46:42 GMT 10
True story: 1.5m tapes on the floor at the shops, so a woman didn't realise I was in the queue. Said she didn't see me...in my hi-vis shirt. ++++++ Likely people like this will be jerks on a good day as well.. Buggers..
++++ At 7;50 am the line of seniors at the grocery store was quite long waiting for it to open for senior time at 8am. A young guy tried to cut the line several times and was repelled each time with canes and harsh words.. He finely announced.. If you don't let me in, the door will never open.. I'm the manager..
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bug
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Post by bug on Mar 30, 2020 8:35:16 GMT 10
Q: Why aren't there any corona cases in Antarctica?
A: Because they are ice-olated.
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Post by SA Hunter on Mar 31, 2020 16:53:06 GMT 10
If someone is standing less than 1.5 metres from you when they cough, that’s called a near cough. You need to tell them to far cough
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fei
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Post by fei on Mar 31, 2020 17:00:09 GMT 10
If someone is standing less than 1.5 metres from you when they cough, that’s called a near cough. You need to tell them to far cough I often tell people in my office to far cough, even when they're not coughing
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ml8300
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Post by ml8300 on Apr 3, 2020 0:50:19 GMT 10
If someone is standing less than 1.5 metres from you when they cough, that’s called a near cough. You need to tell them to far cough I often tell people in my office to far cough, even when they're not coughing They can go stand in the far queue and far cough.
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Apr 6, 2020 9:46:22 GMT 10
After all the isolation, social distancing, restrictions and all are over.... Two neighbor women talking.... Where is you husband ??
He is out in the garden....
I didn't see him there....
You need to dig deeper....
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Apr 12, 2020 16:33:49 GMT 10
Local paper personal add....
Single man with toilet paper, seeks single woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun....
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Tim Horton
Senior Member
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Post by Tim Horton on Apr 19, 2020 10:33:52 GMT 10
Ultimate Survivors...
Some people think there are 4 kinds of people in this pandemic...
Brad..... Stays in most days, drinking boiler makers, and eating beanie-wienies with his AR 15 never far from hand.. Nuf said...
Tiffany.... Who has a two 2 meter lines in front of her door. Sprays everything. She has sprayed the dog so often, it lost all its hair. All her friends are faking the virus to keep out of her range.
Trevor... Who also has a 2 meter line in front of his door. And is ticked off because his favorite organic market was out of kale and the vine ripe tomatoes he likes..
Sue... Who is in her own fenced back yard watching her kids play while enjoying her second glass of wine of the day..
No way in hell Tiffany and Trevor will make it through this.. Brad and Sue will likely hook up and repopulate the whole area..
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Apr 20, 2020 17:55:08 GMT 10
Worked out how to add pictures!
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Post by spinifex on May 7, 2020 20:11:45 GMT 10
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Post by spinifex on May 7, 2020 20:15:30 GMT 10
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Post by spinifex on May 8, 2020 19:06:06 GMT 10
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Post by spinifex on May 8, 2020 19:23:00 GMT 10
This one is a sorely needed call-out.
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Post by SA Hunter on May 9, 2020 21:14:36 GMT 10
It is a slow day in the small Saskatchewan town of Pumphandle, and streets are deserted. Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody is living on credit.
A tourist visiting the area drives through town, stops at the motel, and lays a $100 bill on the desk saying he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs to pick one for the night. As soon as he walks upstairs, the motel owner grabs the bill and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher. The butcher takes the $100 and runs down the street to retire his debt to the pig farmer. The pig farmer takes the $100 and heads off to pay his bill to his supplier, the Co-op.
The guy at the Co-op takes the $100 and runs to pay his debt to the local prostitute, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer her "services" on credit.
The hooker rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill with the hotel owner. The hotel proprietor then places the $100 back on the counter so the traveler will not suspect anything.
At that moment the traveler comes down the stairs, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, picks up the $100 bill and leaves. No one produced anything. No one earned anything...
However, the whole town is now out of debt and now looks to the future with a lot more optimism.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how a Stimulus package works.
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on May 11, 2020 9:41:22 GMT 10
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kelabar
Senior Member
Posts: 399
Likes: 469
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Post by kelabar on May 13, 2020 1:52:31 GMT 10
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kelabar
Senior Member
Posts: 399
Likes: 469
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Post by kelabar on May 16, 2020 21:05:36 GMT 10
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fei
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Post by fei on May 16, 2020 22:30:55 GMT 10
The funniest (most unbelievable) part about that middle pic is that the cruise ship business is apparently booked out for the next two years. Apparently for every person who has cancelled, there has been two (mostly yank) people happy to take their place at the discounted prices.
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