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Post by SA Hunter on Feb 21, 2020 19:30:57 GMT 10
Even polite Australians are fed up with protesters.
This story was submitted by someone who witnessed the incident in an underground station in Melbourne.
"There were protesters on the Flagstaff Station concourse handing out pamphlets criticising Australia for its policy towards political refugees, Muslims who were looking for a better life, participation in the Iraq war and continued presence in Afghanistan.
I was approached by a protester with a pamphlet but politely declined to take one.
An elderly woman behind me was getting off the escalator and a young (20-ish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she also politely declined.
The young protester put her hand on the woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a quiet voice said; 'Madam, don't you care about the children of Iraq?'
The elderly woman looked up at her and said, 'My dear, my father died in North Africa during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea and my grandson in Afghanistan. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and criticise our country.
If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your arse and trust me, I'll open it!"
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Post by SA Hunter on Feb 21, 2020 19:35:58 GMT 10
Bloke at a horse race whispers to Paddy next to him, "Do you want the winner of the next race?" Paddy replies "No tanks, oi've only got a small yard."
Paddy and Mick found 3 hand grenades and decided to take them to the police station. Mick "What if one explodes before we get there?" Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two!"
A coach load of paddies on a mystery tour decided to run a sweepstake to guess where they were going..... the driver won £52!
Paddy finds a sandwich with two wires stickin out of it. He phones the police and says "Bejasus I've just found a sandwich dat looks like a bomb." The operator asks, "is it tickin? Paddy says "No, oi tink it's beef"
Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're making love to your wife. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday." Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
Mick walks into Paddy's barn and catches him dancing naked in front of a tractor. Mick says, "Oi Paddy, what ya doing?" Paddy says, "Well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately & the therapist recommended I do something sexy to a tractor."
The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million tonnes of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own oil... Paddy says to Mick - I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going to do it a bit different. 3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant. 2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant. Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant." Mick asks - So what are you going to do this year?." Paddy replies, - I'll take her with me!" Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year" Mick says "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Paddy's in the bathroom and Murphy shouts to him. "Did you find the shampoo?" Paddy says, "Oi did, but it's for dry hair and I've just wet mine."
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myrrph
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trying to figure out how to change my nick :P
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Post by myrrph on Mar 3, 2020 20:03:28 GMT 10
Dad Jokes @dadsaysjokes What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws?
Outlaws are wanted.
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Mar 4, 2020 16:39:57 GMT 10
Anti Virus Spray....
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Post by SA Hunter on Mar 4, 2020 17:47:55 GMT 10
Anti Virus Spray.... To be taken orally, ice, water & mixers optional.
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wanderer
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Post by wanderer on Mar 4, 2020 21:23:28 GMT 10
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Mar 7, 2020 7:01:55 GMT 10
ADULT.... ADULT.... ADULT... You have been warned...
In our part of the bush we have a quite active community hall, with get together events during the year.. Also a small church near.. We don't belong to this congregation, but were invited to a pot luck, community get together at the church.
After dinner, they play a game.. This time it was trivia.. I like that, and like to be right.. The question for our table was..... Where do women have the curliest hair..??
The right answer turns out to be Fiji..... Not what I blurted out.... I don't think I will ever be invited back...
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Mar 19, 2020 14:19:34 GMT 10
The Toilet Paper Crisis......
Since we have run out of toilet paper, I have had to resort to using dryer sheets as a substitute....
It has worked wonderful... My bum smells like lavender and after 40 or more years is totally wrinkle free...
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 22, 2020 16:06:08 GMT 10
Couple of virus ones.
Why is toilet paper in such short supply? Because if someone sneezes, 100 people shit themselves!
The reason I won't shake your hand isn't because of the virus. It's because you might have run out of toilet paper!
With everyone shut in, in 9 months time there will be a baby boom. They will be called "Coronials". In thirteen years time they will be called the "Quaranteens".
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 23, 2020 19:44:19 GMT 10
More. Search "virus memes". You will laugh!
The virus won't last long because it was made in China!
If we get quarantined for 14 days, do the game wardens have to stay home too? Askin' for a friend.
So the corona virus can be killed by alcohol? I'm gonna get really, really immune tonight.
Corona virus tip: Wear a Dallas Cowboys jersey. You won't catch anything!
Gotta add this one: Wash your hands like you just shook hands with Scott Morrison!
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Post by SA Hunter on Mar 23, 2020 20:04:53 GMT 10
You better wash them hands like a man washing off stripper glitter before his wife gets home!
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 24, 2020 17:06:52 GMT 10
TV: "Increase social distancing." Me: (Puts down 30-30. Picks up 30.06.)
The said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the grocery store. They lied, everyone else had clothes on.
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 27, 2020 18:15:51 GMT 10
Lockdown jokes.
Dear Diary: Day 3 of no AFL. There is a woman on my sofa. Apparently she's my wife. She seems nice.
Parents, you are about to find out the teachers weren't lying.
To all telemarketers: Yes, you can catch the virus over the phone!
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Tim Horton
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Post by Tim Horton on Mar 28, 2020 9:02:56 GMT 10
New far north social distancing rules...
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bushdoc2
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Post by bushdoc2 on Mar 28, 2020 14:13:09 GMT 10
True story: 1.5m tapes on the floor at the shops, so a woman didn't realise I was in the queue. Said she didn't see me...in my hi-vis shirt.
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norseman
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Practical is Tactical!
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Member is Online
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Post by norseman on Mar 28, 2020 16:08:25 GMT 10
True story: 1.5m tapes on the floor at the shops, so a woman didn't realise I was in the queue. Said she didn't see me...in my hi-vis shirt. Gene Pool is there for a reason, how the fark do so many orchestrate a sidestep?
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 28, 2020 17:16:51 GMT 10
True story: 1.5m tapes on the floor at the shops, so a woman didn't realise I was in the queue. Said she didn't see me...in my hi-vis shirt. Dude, this just shows how well you are doing the grey man thing. Even in a hi-vis shirt! Respect.
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wanderer
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Post by wanderer on Mar 28, 2020 17:23:22 GMT 10
True story: 1.5m tapes on the floor at the shops, so a woman didn't realise I was in the queue. Said she didn't see me...in my hi-vis shirt. And she probably has a license to drive too!
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wanderer
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Post by wanderer on Mar 28, 2020 17:31:59 GMT 10
Be an entrepreneur !
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kelabar
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Post by kelabar on Mar 29, 2020 17:50:05 GMT 10
Search "Where's Waldo: Social Distancing Edition" ROFL.
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